When Feelings Hijack Focus: How Emotional Regulation Is an Executive Function

We often think of executive function as the brain’s “command center” — the system that helps us plan, organize, remember, and get things done. But here’s what’s often missed: emotional and social regulation are part of executive functioning — not separate from it.

When emotions surge or social dynamics get tricky, it’s not just “big feelings” getting in the way — it’s the brain’s executive control system going offline. Understanding that connection changes everything about how we support kids (and adults) who struggle to manage emotions, behavior, and daily demands.

What Emotional Regulation Really Means

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage stress, recover from frustration, and respond instead of react.

It’s not a built-in skill — it develops gradually through modeling, safety, and practice.

For children with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, or early trauma, this regulation system develops more slowly or unevenly. Their emotions can feel louder and harder to manage, and when emotions flood the system, executive functions like impulse control, focus, and working memory temporarily shut down.

That’s why a child might “know better” yet still melt down, yell, or walk away — the part of their brain that manages behavior simply isn’t online in that moment.

Executive Function: The Brain’s Self-Management System

Executive function isn’t one skill — it’s a set of interconnected brain processes that help us:

• Pause before reacting (inhibition)

• Remember what matters right now (working memory)

• Start and finish tasks (initiation and persistence)

• Adjust when plans change (flexibility)

• Notice and reflect (self-monitoring)

• Manage emotions and social behavior (yes, these too)

Social and emotional regulation fall under this same umbrella. They depend on the brain’s prefrontal cortex — the same system that manages time, planning, and organization. So when we help kids build emotional regulation, we’re strengthening executive function at the same time.

The Interplay: Emotion, Cognition, and Connection

Think of executive function as the brain’s air-traffic control tower — managing thoughts, behaviors, and feelings as they come and go. When stress or emotion hits, that tower can quickly become overwhelmed.

A few key takeaways from research:

• Emotional regulation and executive functioning are bi-directional — each directly influences the other (Koay & Van Meter, 2023).

• Children who struggle with emotional regulation are more likely to experience academic challenges and lower task productivity (Graziano et al., 2007).

• Supporting emotion regulation improves executive skills like focus, persistence, and flexibility (Fernandes et al., 2023).

In short, we can’t separate emotional regulation from executive function. They’re two sides of the same coin — one can’t thrive without the other.

Before Strategies, Build Awareness

Before teaching regulation tools, kids need to understand that emotions drive behavior.

Start by giving them language. Many children don’t know how to explain what they feel — they just react. Tools like The Wheel of Feelings help make emotions concrete and visible.

Click the image below to download The Wheel of Feelings 

Model and Co-Regulate

Kids borrow our calm before they build their own. When we model emotional management, we’re offering a roadmap their brains can mirror.

Try saying things like:

“I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to pause and take a deep breath before I keep working.”

By narrating your own self-regulation, you’re strengthening their internal dialogue — and their executive control.

Strategies for Supporting Emotional Regulation

Create Predictable Structure	Routines calm the nervous system and strengthen sequencing and initiation — both executive functions. Visual schedules, timers, and consistent transitions build safety and reduce stress.
Build Sensory-Friendly Spaces	Adjust the environment to support regulation. Soft lighting, movement breaks, fidgets, or quiet corners help kids manage sensory input — which directly supports emotional and behavioral control.
Use Role-Playing to Practice Self-Control	Act out common triggers: Feeling scared during a storm Worrying about a test Getting frustrated with a sibling Role-play helps kids rehearse executive skills like flexibility and perspective-taking — while learning emotional cues and responses.
Strengthen Cognitive Control Through Play	Games like Uno, Candyland, Simon Says, or logic puzzles help children practice waiting, planning, and adjusting — executive functioning wrapped in fun.

The Bigger Picture

When we talk about “self-control,” “coping,” or “managing big feelings,” we’re really talking about executive skills. Emotional regulation, impulse control, attention, and social awareness all live in the same neural neighborhood — the prefrontal cortex.

So instead of asking, “Why can’t they just control themselves?”, try asking,

“What skill needs more support right now — emotional regulation or executive regulation?”

The answer is usually both.

References:

• Koay, J. M., & Van Meter, A. (2023). The Effect of Emotion Regulation on Executive Function. Journal of Cognitive Psychology.

• Fernandes, B., et al. (2023). The Role of Emotion Regulation and Executive Functioning in the Intervention Outcome of Children with Emotional and Behavioural Problems. U.S. National Library of Medicine.

• Graziano, P., Reavis, R., Keane, S., & Calkins, S. (2007). The Role of Emotion Regulation in Children’s Early Academic Success. Journal of School Psychology.

• The OT Toolbox. “Emotional Regulation and Executive Function.” https://www.theottoolbox.com/emotional-regulation-and-executive-function/

Want to Learn More?

If you’re wondering whether ADHD might be part of the picture, take my “Do I Think Like an ADHD Brain?” quiz for students.

Remember, this quiz is not a diagnostic tool but can provide insights into common behaviors and challenges associated with ADHD. If you have concerns about ADHD, consult your doctor for a proper evaluation and treatment options.

Supporting emotional and executive growth doesn’t happen overnight—but it does happen with the right guidance and strategies. If you’re ready to help your child (or yourself) build focus, organization, and confidence, I’d love to connect.

Schedule a free consultation to learn how coaching can support your goals. Click here.

With understanding & support,

Coach Paige

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Paige Krug is a certified ADHD/Executive Function Coach and Neurodivergent Educational Advocate from Chicago’s North Shore. Drawing on her background as a Learning Behavior Specialist, she works with clients of all ages—with a special focus on helping students understand how their brains work so they can build systems that support focus, confidence, and emotional well-being. Paige’s approach combines neuroscience and practical strategy to create a collaborative, supportive space where every unique mind can thrive.

Looking for more resources? Click the image below to take you to over 20 evidence based resources and visuals to download for free!